


Tired

by slacktension



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-05
Updated: 2012-07-05
Packaged: 2017-11-09 06:01:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/452145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slacktension/pseuds/slacktension
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Asami breaks up with Mako. Asami-centric, with obvious mentions of Makorra.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tired

The morning was grey and dark, snow masking up most of the bright lights in the city Asami liked to see out her window in the Acolyte’s room she had been given. It felt strange to return, but as what few essential items she had unpacked were laid out before her, it felt slightly familiar. Her lipstick, comb, eye makeup, and perfume were all arranged on the rectangular table before the window in the same order they had been back home. It was ritualistic but comforting in a small way.

She was starting to take solace in those small comforts.

She dragged her comb up from her hairline and pulled the curtain of hair on the left side of her face up, pinching it between her fingers and delicately clipping it into place. Patting it once to test its strength, she was satisfied, and with one last look at the hazy skyline she left the room.

Covering her arms above her hair to block out the snow, she jogged up to the family housing. The ground beneath her was slick with ice and the heels of her boots skidded, but each time she turned with the pull of gravity and kept herself upright. She had no fear of falling because she knew how to fall and pull herself right back up-the only way to save herself in any situation was to move with it and still find the grace in herself to keep standing. It was the same with driving really, whether it be screeching to a deadly stop or riding black icy roads or knowing just when to dig into the car inching faster at her side. She relied on herself.

She knocked on the door and as she waited for it to open, she stomped out the snow on her boots against the wooden deck, the hollow sound loud against the silence outside. The door pulled open and Tenzin stood before her, looking slightly surprised but instantly his face melted into a warm, tired smile.

“Asami, you know you don’t have to knock,” he said as he stepped aside to let her in.

She patted her flat palms against her hair, feeling the snow that had managed to collect there melt against her skin. “Well, doors are kept closed for a reason,” she said with a light smile.

His eyebrows knit together slightly with a touch of confusion as he shut the door behind her. “Never to keep  _you_  out, especially not here.”

He turned and started to lead the way to the dining room for breakfast, a slight bend to his shoulders that indicated just how tired he was. Asami followed after him and noticed it, and then realized how poorly she was holding herself up-shoulders bowed and chin lazily tucked to her chest. She rolled her shoulders and stood up straighter as they walked inside.

Bolin already sat at the table looking far less animated than she had ever seen him, with heavy lines underscoring his green eyes, which were dulled with fatigue. Ikki continued yapping at his side about a dream she had that night, and he simply leaned back with Pabu in his lap, eyes threatening to shut as he rhythmically stroked the ferret’s fur. He looked to Asami and gave her a small smile, which she returned.

“Oh, perfect, you’re just in time,” Pema said as she entered the room with a tray of steaming food. Her robes were slightly different, the red fabric that she wrapped around her body a bit misaligned and pulled over a mustard yellow shirt and pants. Judging by the wrinkles, Asami guessed they were her pajamas. Her hair was messily thrown into its usual style and when she smiled, Asami noticed how the soft skin under her eyes was red and puffy. “Where’s Korra?”

“Mako went to go get her,” Bolin said, still looking down at Pabu in his lap.

Asami wished her heart didn’t leap into her throat with that stunning piece of information, because when she noticed the two of them were missing from the table she managed to draw that conclusion herself. If she knew, if she prepared herself, it shouldn’t hurt when the inevitable happened, right?

“I’ll go find them,” Asami said, and quickly walked off down another doorway.

Nobody made any mention that she had no clue as to where she was going. She had never been around the family’s house save for the dining hall and Tenzin’s study just the other day, but that didn’t matter to her.

As she walked, the sound of her heavy boots dully thumping against the scuffed wooden floors, she was struck with the realization that she was rushing head first into something she had been planning to wait out. She was going to eat breakfast, let Korra climb back into bed, and then talk to Mako. It wouldn’t disrupt anybody else and it would give her time to mull over her own thoughts, and now her boots echoed loudly in tandem with her pounding heart, both sounds far too loud and intrusive to the silent calm of the snow and the Air Temple.

She came to a stop once she turned down another hall, and caught sight of Mako’s back peering out of a doorway. His body disrupted the perfect angles and straight lines of the patch of yellow light that spilled against the floor and opposite wall. He was leaning against the doorway with his arms folded, and another shadow appeared to grow out of his on the floor, hands lifting out of his shoulders. A scattering orb of brighter light and shadow was cast in the yellow patch of light, moving slowly with the languid movements of the shadow arms that moved out of his silhouette.

“Tenzin said he’d call for healers to come after breakfast,” Mako said quietly, voice dim as it traveled into the room.

“I just want to clean up a bit,” Korra’s voice responded. Asami watched as the shadow of Korra’s arms melted into Mako’s, taking the orb of water with it. “I’ll be right out, you don’t have to stay.”

“No, it’s fine.”

He had no idea Asami was standing just down the hall, watching and listening to the whole exchange. Rather than just clear her throat or continue walking, calling attention to the fact that she had essentially  _spied_  on them, she turned and quietly walked away. A moment passed and she briskly walked back to the entrance of the hall again, and this time, Mako leaned his head back out of the doorway and gave her a smile.

“Hey, Asami. Sleep well?” he asked.

She opened her mouth to say something, but when no words came and her mind ran blank, she quickly shut it and nodded. He looked at her expectantly but never pressed for any more from her, even if she knew her own eyes were puffy like Pema’s from last night-Asami convinced herself that she had just done her makeup well and managed to mask any signs of fatigue with it. It wasn’t just that he didn’t notice or care to see how tired she really was.

“Pema’s got breakfast on the table,” she finally said, jerking her thumb back down the hall.

Mako turned and ducked his head back into the room. “Are you done?”

“Almost. Go ahead, I’ll be right there.”

“I can wait.”

Asami drew in a deep breath through her nose, exhaling slowly before she walked over to the doorway. Standing closer to the opposite wall, she looked around Mako’s body blocking her out of the way and saw that the room was a bathroom. Korra stood before the sink, water coating her hand and running it over the scratches on her face. She wore the same clothes she had been found in, too tired and worn out to change, and her free hand gripped at the cool white edge of the sink to keep herself steady.

Mako glanced over his shoulder and smiled, and Asami didn’t bother with smiling back.

They watched in silence as Korra healed her minor wounds until finally, the water slid from her hand like a silk glove and pooled in the sink before disappearing down the drain. Her grip was still steady on the porcelain, but she lifted her head with a smile to him before shifting it down to Asami.

“Alright, I am  _so_  ready for breakfast,” she said with a light laugh, and pushed off from the sink slowly to test her balance.

Mako already unfolded his arms in preparation to help her, but she kept herself standing tall. He slipped out of the doorway and when he turned, he held his arm out to Asami expectantly, like always, as if he hadn’t offered it to Korra first.

Asami stared and felt anger flare for one moment, so brief it might as well have never happened, and conceded to fall against his side. His arm curled around her waist and he turned his head to make sure Korra fell into step behind them before they set off down the hall.

He sat down with her on one side of the table, just the two of them, but Korra sat at the other edge with Bolin. He still kept her close, still didn’t understand just what he was doing, so Asami stuffed her mouth quickly with food to keep out of the conversation. It centered on Korra, anyway; getting her a healer, getting her back to bed, getting her into the physical condition to tackle Amon again.

And despite being the center of attention, Korra dodged most questions and rounded them back onto everyone else.

“I know  _I_  look tired,” she said, pushing more rice into her mouth. “But  _you_  guys deserve to go back to bed, too.”

“Agreed,” Bolin mumbled with a lazy smile, shutting his eyes. He had already stuffed his face as quickly as possible and now dangerously snapped in and out of sleep, rocking back before snapping his eyes open and adding mostly nonsense to the conversation.

“Asami,” Korra said, and the older girl instantly lifted her head in surprise. “You can stay here, if you want to go back to bed? The mats in the Acolyte’s quarters aren’t very comfy, and we have more blankets anyway.”

“Oh,” Asami blinked and nodded. “Sure. Thanks.”

Mako looked down at her, eyes squinting to scrutinize her face. She held her own face passive as he looked, knowing there was nothing wrong with her appearance and not giving a damn if he thought so. Finally, his eyes widened slightly.

“You do look tired,” he said, turning more towards her to make their conversation private. The rest of the table continued on without them.

She shrugged and looked back down at her food. “I am tired.”

“Are you going back to bed after breakfast?”

She shook her head and continued eating. “No.”

There was a pause, as if he considered whether or not to respond, until finally he gave up with a shrug and returned to facing the table. He quickly jumped back into the conversation about Korra’s well being.

Once breakfast had been finished, Korra stood and Mako quickly tried to follow after her, but Asami tugged at his wrist from her seat.

“Honey, just let her get to bed, alright?” she said when he looked down at her, slightly annoyed. “It’s just down the hall, I think she can make it.”

Korra chuckled quietly. “Yeah, I’ll be fine. Goodnight, everybody.”

On her way out, Korra dragged her hand affectionately over Bolin’s hair, and he leaned into the touch and seemed to instantly slip into sleep. When she pulled away his eyes flew open and he tensed up before wildly looking around the room.

“Aw, man,” he muttered and relaxed, picking up Pabu and burying his face into the warm, red fur. “Me too, I’m going back to bed.” He stood and lazily waved his arm to them as he left. “Bye, everybody.”

Asami still had her hand around Mako’s wrist, him staring at the doorway where Korra had disappeared, as if waiting to hear her call his name for help she didn’t need. When a moment passed and nothing happened, he looked down at the table as Pema cleared it of the dirty plates.

“Pema, do you want some help with those?” he asked.

Asami frowned and tugged on his wrist again, once more gaining his attention as she stood, keeping them tethered together even if he tried to find reasons to slip away. Pema didn’t answer him, due to the look on Asami’s face, and simply left the room with what dishes she had collected.

“Can we talk?” she asked quietly, leaning in to keep the conversation private.

He tilted his head in confusion. “Sure. Can it wait, I’d like to help-“

“Privately,” Asami suddenly added. “Can we talk privately?”

His eyes widened and darted away from hers to watch Tenzin round up the children, as if trying to find another reason to avoid her. Asami knew it wasn’t really avoidance, that he was just drifting away with whatever his emotions wanted, because he turned his hand up into hers to hold it gently. His gloves blocked out any real transference of touch and heat, only the rough, warm tips of his fingers ghosting over her own, only giving a small part and not all.

“Yeah, of course,” he muttered back, and in silent agreement they both left the room together.

They walked in silence out of the house, him allowing her to take the lead. She had no idea where they could go, a place that wasn’t outside, and where they wouldn’t be overheard. She didn’t bother to protect her hair and face from the onslaught of heavy wet snow, and kept her grip on Mako’s hand tight against the cold air. They stood on the deck for a moment, her looking around for any place to go, and her eyes landed on the female Acolyte’s housing.

Not there. She couldn’t do it there. It was the sanctuary that held no memories of her father, it protected her with its plain decoration, and Mako was not setting foot inside.

She sharply looked away and she spotted the gazebo way up high on the cliff overlooking the sea. It was hardly the shelter she sought but it was the most private place available, so she started walking, dragging Mako along with her down the series of roofed walkways. The only sound was the wind blowing through the trees and her loud boots once more thumping through the quiet, intrusive and alien to the Island. Black leather boots had probably never taken a single step on the Island until she took refuge there. They were not allowed to be worn or touched, an animal’s hide taken simply for frivolous fashion, and they did not belong there.

“Where are we going?” he finally asked once the walkways ended and she started trudging through the snow.

“The gazebo.”

“Do you want to go get a coat or something?”

“No.”

He had been walking just a step behind her, but he picked up the pace to walk with her. “Are you…feeling ok?”

She just shrugged and started up the steps. As always, he never pressed for more, never demanded of her a single thing.

She found that as they neared their destination, she wasn’t nervous. Or angry, or depressed-just blank. It was difficult to find reason to feel anything towards the inevitable, now that it was finally happening, and she was ready to move with it. Falling towards her fate was easy once it started, and she knew she had the strength to keep herself standing tall once it was over.

The gazebo looked out over the choppy iron waters of the bay, white capped waves thrashing with the high winds that drew in snow on a slant through the open beams supporting the gazebo roof. From there it was easier to see the city even if it was still mostly bright lights flickering in between each thick, wet snowflake. Asami walked to the side of the gazebo where the wind was blocked off and no snow managed to fall, and Mako stood across from her, looking worried.

Worried, not like a boyfriend, but like a mother.

Unable to handle that look for much longer, that one where he had no idea what to do with her, this broken girlfriend he had managed to pick up along his strange journey with the Avatar, Asami decided to jump right into it.

“Bolin told me about you and Korra.”

His eyes hastily left her face to stare down at the ground, shock visible for only a moment until it was replaced with mild anger.

She didn’t want him to be angry. He had been cross with her for the first time the other day, even if his attitude wasn’t directed at her, but at the Equalists. It came as a shock to see him flare with anger so quickly, and for the first time, she didn’t feel safe in his presence. When Bolin didn’t seem surprised by his brother’s sudden turn to rash impulses, it just made her doubt even more how well she knew Mako.

“What exactly did he say?” he said slowly, finding the courage to look at her once more.

“That you kissed. That’s all,” she said. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

He ducked his head and shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “I didn’t think it meant anything. I didn’t want to worry you.”

“I think it meant something.”

He stared at her with his eyes wide, scared. She still held herself passive and calm, arms folded over her stomach and leaning back against the railing behind her. How did he not see this coming?

“I’m with you, Asami,” he said.

“Because I came first.”

“Because I  _like_ you.”

“But you like Korra.”

Her responses were shot rapidly and without burning emotions, and it was clear this wasn’t the type of argument or conversation he had any previous experience with handling. His mouth was open to retaliate, but it was clear by the lost look on his face that he had nothing good to say, so he shut it and pulled his head back. His hand gripped at the tattered end of his scarf, tugging and adjusting the fabric. Asami frowned on his behalf because he was far more confused than she had expected.

“You like Korra,” she repeated and his eyebrows knit together. “And I don’t want to be one of your responsibilities.”

“You’re not-“

“-You’re trying to do right by me, and it’s not working,” she continued. “I don’t want a boyfriend that sees me as-as, well. I don’t know,” she sputtered and shook her head. “I just know that this isn’t what I want.”

“I’m really sorry.”

His voice was small and childlike, as if saying the word would erase his failures and the hurt he had caused. She had him pegged all wrong since the beginning; he wasn’t calm and mature. He was just another broken person who was incredibly good at appearing whole to all the right people, and for her and Bolin, he was an anchor to hold fast when things got rough. Only Korra could make him act his own age.

She sighed heavily and lazily let her head tip to her shoulder. “You don’t have to apologize. Just…can you explain yourself? At all?”

“What do you mean?”

She pursed her lips and shrugged. “Did you really think that we would work out? Even though you kept secrets from me?”

“I did that because I didn’t want to worry you,” he repeated. “I do  _like_  you, Asami-“

“Why?” she demanded. “Why do you like me?”

His eyes widened and he blinked rapidly, stunned at the sudden forceful dip in her tone. It was small but noticeable against her previously flat, emotionless voice.

“You-you’re the nicest person I’ve ever met,” he hastily said. “You’re so kind and giving. And brave. I’ve never met anybody like you before, I mean, when you hit me with your moped I didn’t think…I didn’t think a girl like you would ever go for me. You never treated me like a charity case.”

It was honest and rambling, the kind of confession that would have been nice to hear if they had just started dating. Not now, not when she knew his emotions were capable of running much deeper, but not for her. Unable to help it, her eyes started to water and she breathed in sharply through her nose to try and will any tears away.

“You treat me like a charity case, you know that?” she replied quietly. It was clear by the look of surprise on his face that he hadn’t, so she sighed shakily and lifted her head. “You just stayed with me because of my father. I don’t want anything because of him, ok?”

“But…maybe, we could…”

She shook her head. “No.”

He sighed heavily and dragged his hand over the side of his face, tugging at his eye and skin like he had never felt so exhausted. “So, this is it?”

She nodded slowly. “Yeah. It is.”

“I can still be there for you,” he said cautiously. “If you ever need anybody.”

“Thanks,” she muttered, and the tears started to well again, because even if she doubted she would ever go to him again for comfort, it was nice to know that it was still an option. “I don’t hate you, I just-I just don’t want this as it is.”

He nodded. “Right.”

“And I know, that we’re on an Island, and in the middle of a war,” she added. “But I think we both need some space.”

He nodded again, slower this time. “Ok.”

“You sound unsure about that.”

He shrugged. “I don’t want to just push you out of my life.”

“We can be friends,” she said. “But we need some time apart.”

“Alright. Good.”

He seemed slightly hopeful, but Asami didn’t care much about his response. The more important half had been dealt with, and now she could start piecing together her life on her own, which was all that she wanted. Relying on someone as shaky as a boyfriend at the age of 18 wasn’t how she wanted to restart everything, especially not with one as confused as Mako.

And even if it was what she wanted, she still hated the feeling of being alone, which she couldn’t shake despite the friends she still had.

Mako turned and jerked his head towards the stairs. “Are you going to go back to bed?”

She pushed off from the railing and they both started back down the steps. She nodded. “Yeah. I hadn’t planned on it, but I think I should.”

“The couch is more comfy than the Acolyte’s beds,” he said. “There’s still blankets and pillows there.”

She didn’t have to ask why he knew. She didn’t know that he had stayed in the family housing to keep a close watch on Korra, but it wasn’t hard for her to figure it out. With a shaky sigh, she shook her head.

“No, that’s ok. It’s more peaceful in my room anyway.”

He let it go. “Alright.”

They parted once they reached the end of the steps, both issuing the other a simple goodbye. Once she fully turned away from him, eyes locked on the Acolyte’s flimsy building, she felt a weight lifted from her chest. A large blockage cleared away and suddenly she was able to feel  _everything_ , and even if most of that emotion made her hands shake and knees weak, it was freeing.

She rushed to her room, pulling off her boots the second she stepped inside and heard the soft, quiet pads of her freezing feet against the wooden floors. Her door slid open with ease, clacking shut behind her, and all sounds stopped once her boots were placed gently on the floor at the foot of her bed.

The silence was so calm, and for the first time, she welcomed it. It was hers to enjoy and hers to fill, and with no one to please or larger issues to flood her mind, Asami crawled into bed and cried for herself. Even as the sobs wracked her body she would pause and smile because no one could see or try to comfort her when this was all she wanted. The solace of release.

She cried for the end of her relationship, but not much. It would be hard to watch him freely go to Korra now, as it had been before, but she knew she had a job to complete within Team Avatar that she could throw herself into. She hoped that work would mask up any noticeable relationship growing between Mako and Korra, and she would pull out of the war stronger and ready to properly rebuild her life. She cried more for the loss of her father, for the treatment of nonbenders, for her mother because maybe if she had lived, the world wouldn’t have been so broken and torn apart. The tears fell and she muffled her cries in her pillow, feeling her lipstick smear off her lips and eyelashes muddy with mascara and tears, and it was freeing to not care.

There was a small comfort in being alone.


End file.
